最近有点沮丧，因为很像什么都做不好。数学测验又考不好，连 elly 也比不上。唉。真是可悲。一直以来都很好的，为什么会突然变成这样呢？唉。心烦意乱。不知道该怎么样才能恢复那时候的辉煌。

现在的我，好落魄哦。没脸见人了啦。还有3个星期就大考了，怎么办。我需要一个奇迹。

有一点被欺骗的感觉。在那里等她，是希望她能借我一点钱，他却因为自己需要买东西"otherwise ill go bonkers“ 来敷衍我。说什么我是他真正的朋友。全都是骗人的啦。

ok, maybe its my fault... why should i need to depend on someone else to help me get smth i wanna get? but i still dont agree with her principles. cant you just spare a few minutes to look for smth for your friend? and i had to lend her 10 bucks, such that i cant buy my own stuff. was seriously hoping she would come and lend me some... but, apparently, i put too much trust in this friendship. i really need to reconsider my friends... grrr.

第１８個蠟燭吹熄以後 決定對妳說 愛上妳微笑的酒窩
你是心中的第三願望 不能說 期待明天變成親密朋友 
關於愛的種種 猜不透
害怕弄巧成拙 ＷＵ～
不要想太多等時機成熟 光明正大手牽手

愛不愛都想要和你 天天攪和 拍大頭貼 逛漁人碼頭
賀爾蒙 啊～蠢蠢欲動
愛不愛心思特別多 毫不保留 寫滿了愛的部落格
１８歲 最適合 戀愛

蠟燭吹熄後 深深探索你的美麗 放手一博  決定追妳到底 不管結局會不會贏得勝利 不用絕得在意 不要想著是否畏縮逃避 不管怎麼想 不管怎麼想 ｗｏ 愛情魔力天天增加威力 讓我失去理性 無法控制自己 請讓我 下半輩子 一直和妳甜蜜在一起

"你是心中的第三願望 不能說 期待明天變成親密朋友" 
sigh... sometimes i would wish for smth i know i shouldnt. 
smth i wouldnt get...

《我在墾丁＊天氣晴》：

“我在浪中真實，我在浪中自由，我在浪中解脱。”

那時在浪中，我看到了我懐念的自己。
那个充满自信的我，那个有了目標的我。
拼命在浪中挣扎，之爲了完成任務，爲了呈現最完美的自己，爲了圓夢。
不是爲了别人，而是爲了自己而奮斗。
（也許有一點是爲了朋友，但大部分都是爲了自己。）

那个時候才是真正的我，没有约束，没有虚假的我。
浪费了一整天也不后悔，因爲能找回自己，一切都値得。
這不就是人活着的目的嗎？

"and through it all, she offered me protection 
i'm loving angels instead"

finally a huge sigh of relief, im finally leaving frisbee. 
for good. i dont know when it became such a big burden.
the first reason is prob cause of the many remedials 
that i have to attend. bio and econs. 
and nearly chem and math and gp. 
pfft. maybe its time for me to focus on whats required of me. 
or at least the only route i have now. 

the second. how i love the ppl in frisbee. 
there they go "wassup guys why are we blaming each other"
next moment they go behind your backs 
and complain to one another about you. tell me they're guys. 
sigh. the cruelty of reality. 
once you're it, you're it. whether or not you try to change 
doesnt make a diff to the rest of the world. 
没了你，地球还是一样会旋转。

sigh. i must say its a relieve to leave the cca. 
i mean, i cant expect the world to change for me. 
and leaving this world is my last resort. maybe its better for everyone. 
nono, not suicide, this world = frisbee. lol. (: 

i was talking with suz on the lorry last night. 
and i realised when we hate someone, we just say untrue stuff about them. 
is that the same with everyone else. 
i feel its kinda stupid to make someone leave some place 
just because of your personal feud with another. shrugs. 
sensitive issues were brought up last night. 
and at least she's nice about it all. (:

快乐的一天。（：
昨天考试终于结束，一班就一起出去了。
唉，看到其他班能２０＋人一起出去，难免有点妒忌啦。
我们只有６个。

唉，怎么说呢，有时候觉得我还蛮３８的。哈。
就会过分坚持自己想做的东西。得好好改正这个缺点哦！

was utterly pissed off and disappointed in my "friends". 
they ticked for me to go for the talk today. 
and left me once lesson ended by myself. 
without telling me that they were not going. 
nor that they were going off. 
what the f is their problem?
and the thing i cant stand most, is her tone when i spoke to her over the phone. 
like duhh of course we're going off. 
who wants to attend a talk together with you. 
we have much more impt stuff to do like fucking shopping. 
i dont mind if you all dont wanna go for the talk. 
but like freakin TELL ME. 
leaving me standing there by myself outside the LT was sucha fun sight. 

i am lucky to have met zazu. 
or i would be some pathetic wandering soul. like a prc or smth. 
"you can make friends with everyone" is not a good reason to leave me there by myself
at the LT. are you all selfish. or bitches. 
and to think i actually had to cram in some time to finish the present. 
while you all had the time in the world to study for spa. 
WHAT WONDERFUL FRIENDS I HAVE. roll eyes.

 我只能说压力啊，压力！
唉，这几天一直被书本、作业缠着。
加上朋友们都似乎有点忧郁，害我有时候不知所措。
不知道未来会怎样，但又不想读书。唉…

今天突然很想找到我的他…　但我知道这是不可能的啦。
而且也要专心读书…唉。悲剧。

可能是我真的有用功吧，
最近挡球挡得蛮顺利。（：
是开心的咯！哈哈。
而且学习上也还算顺利，少了很多烦恼。

可是同学们却好象很累。
萱、诗、敏都为了家事、学业、课外活动什么的烦恼。
这才让我发觉，原来简单就是快乐。
为了让自己有更好的成绩、更“好看”的证书也太辛苦了吧。
“有时候我怀念以前的我　作的梦虽然远远的　想象是一种快乐”
可能世界就真的是那么单纯，只是我们自己为了太多要求而乱拼命，显得世界太复杂。

就象那天你牵着我的手，那种简单的甜蜜。虽然不代表什么，但能紧紧握着你的手，就好幸运哦。（：
“我喜欢你冒汗的手掌”－－哈哈哈！！XD

今天有点失望。
一开始，物理老师好象很好、很勤劳，而且对我们也很尽心尽力。
到头来只是一场空。
她答应过我们把卷子改好后还给我们，不需要我们抄什么的。
结果她却轻松地说了一声“对不起，我没时间”，当作她的理由。
“期望越高，失望越大。”－－了解了。

 "at least it was not half-hearted."
一句“无辜”的对话，成了我一整天心情的绊脚石。
很明显的，他们是在针对我，说我没有真的努力。
说我只抱着玩玩的心态去训练。
好卑鄙哦！在我背后讲那么大声明明是存心羞辱我。
我已经尽力了，累的时候休息一下有错吗？
唉，真想不理他们，但好象做不到。好辛苦哦！
要怎样才会让他们满意呢？

sigh... i mean, if you want to, just tell it straight in my face la. 
bloody hell. thats why i cant stand girls... 
somehow, i really appreciate TS' courage in telling j2s.. 
if only everyone were as straightforward rather than backstabby. -_- 
quite sad... cause i actually thought i did quite well. 
maybe you can try appreciate my effort rather than complain i didnt go whole heartedly in every shot?

可能是因为老师的吓唬，每一天读书都觉得恐惧。
好想回到当字还是字，不是用来考验我们的工具。

看到一层层的纸张，联想到未来是否也会一样丰厚。




还是只是一场破碎的美梦...

how nice, this diary is born on the 1st jan 2008. (: 
will never forget its anniversary then. yayy.